God's Grace

Friday was an answer to prayer.  Many prayers had gone into that day from friends, our family and us.  As many of you know, we have had a winding road in our path lately.  I will post about that on a different day, today’s post is about our answered prayers and the joy and peace that has come from it.

Friday we had specifically prayed for our new specialist.  We hadn’t been sure if we were even going to get a second opinion.  Did it really matter?  We knew most likely we would not be able to bring this angel home with us…but we wanted answers from someone that truly believed this was a miracle not a scientific problem.  Our prayer had been since all of this started to allow us to know the gender.  The previous specialist had told us we may never know, until possibly running test after IT was born, but the test may not be completely accurate either.

Friday, was our day of glory.  We walked in with the most precious lady named Jessica.  She did the sonogram and went over every inch of our angel in great detail.  Scott and I were both amazed that we had someone that would tell us what we were seeing, something that had not happened up to this point.  Previously, they didn’t even talk to us.  It was like they were hiding the fact that there was something wrong.  Not Jessica, she went over everything and did it with such compassion, I will never forget her.  I can’t imagine how you could tell two parents so much heartbreaking news, but do it with such love.  Immediately following her came our Doctor, Ashley.  She walked in like a bubbly ray of sunshine and introduced herself as Ashley.  Wow, a huge step from the last specialist, the one that couldn’t even look at us and kept his eyes closed the entire time he talked to us!  She reminded me of an elementary school teacher, just full of joy and energy.   She started from the top of the baby and explained that the brain was more at the back of the head attached to the neck, the heart didn’t have the right side chambers and it was enlarged, the kidney well there was only one and it was enlarged, the intestines are on the outside of the body, spina bifidia, no stomach, club feet.  Wow…it was like a never ending story of all that was wrong, with our angel.  She said several of these would be fixable, if it were the only thing wrong.  Then, comes the moment…”do you want to know the Gender?”  What????  Is she for real…can we really find out??? Absolutely!!!

SHE IS A GIRL!  Oh my, can I tell you the pure joy that I felt at that moment?!?!!!  OUR GIRL…the girl that was the answer to Blaine’s prayer back in September.  All he wanted for his birthday was a baby sister, and he prayed every night for one.   He told us that his birthday wish as he blew out his candles was for a baby sister.  Thank you, Lord.

Her name is Grace Elizabeth Winn.   Grace was given to me as I was in the shower one day crying and screaming out to God….WHY?  I was so angry!  Why would we even get pregnant only to not ever bring her home?  We had years of infertility, to finally be blessed with the two boys  we had.  I was 40, Scott 45;  our youngest, Jack was 8.  This pregnancy was the biggest surprise of our lives or so we thought.  WHY? WHY?  Why is this happening?  Then God gave me this unexplainable peace.  That peace that He has in the bible that says the peace that passeth  all understanding.  I never fully knew what that peace meant.  I do now, this peace is the unexplainable peace that you feel when God grants it in your time of need.  The peace that all is well with my soul.

I began to sing Amazing Grace.  I was thinking about each word and how God has also has given us Grace, God’s Amazing Grace to make it through this.  At that moment, I knew she was a girl in my heart and I knew her name was Grace.  I was so excited to get out of the shower and share this with Scott!  I knew she was a girl and God gave me the most beautiful name for her.

Proof in the pudding!  Dr. Ashley even wrote girl on our sonogram…IT Is Sonogram official!  At this moment she turned the 4D back on for the sonogram.  I can’t explain the amazement and joy as we watched Grace move around.  She pulled her hands up to her face like the light was shining in on her; to watch her beautiful fingers move around.  I will never forget that moment, the moment when you see a true miracle right in front of your eyes.  It is absolutely amazing to see life growing inside of you. 

Ashley did share the news that we had heard all along.  We will not be bringing her to our earthly home.  She has a disorder called inencephaly.  This explains each of the things that are not going well in her oh so small 5 oz. little body.   I pray Grace will not suffer with complications here on earth.  If God does not want her to have a complete healing here, I know she will enter His Gates of her Heavenly home and have a perfect body.  

I can’t explain the feelings I had the rest of the day.  I was excited, but sad, but joyful…I know…It sounds strange.  We finally had answers though.  We were going to be able to tell the boys one of the answers to the questions they had been asking.  We haven’t gone into detail with them in all of this.  They shouldn’t have to know all that there is to know.  They do know she may never come home with us, but they also know that there could be a miracle.  That is their prayer daily.  I told them God’s miracle might be different than what our expected miracle is, but there is always a reason.  We may never know God’s reason, but He is using this for something bigger than we can imagine.  That has been our prayer.  Use this in Your Mighty way God.  That gives me hope and peace.  Our family knows that no matter what, we will all be together again one beautiful day.

We have chosen to enjoy each minute that we have with Grace and live it to the fullest.  We may have her for a short time, but she is here right now with us.  She is part of our Winn family and she will experience all that we can with her. She will definitely know her loving brothers.  They talk to her and tell her all the time they love her.  They read to her, they hug her and they kiss her.  She IS with us.

Our family’s favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:  11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

This verse gives us hope and peace.  There is a plan and we will continue to seek Him each moment with all of our hearts.  Please continue to pray with us;  talk to us, and don't ever seem to worry about asking about Grace.  We are all very excited to share in her beautiful journey.  We can all give her a lifetime of love no matter how short it is.  I hope you have time to listen to this beautiful song below.  Thank you all for your love and prayers.  Deidra