The Due Date

July 24.  I woke this morning thinking wow.....today was to be the day.  The date that was given to us for a due date.  It has been a hard week.  The reality of not bringing home a baby

Loving on Grace

and enjoying such a blessing has been hard.  I miss her.  I miss her being inside of me; being with me all the time. I miss talking to her and singing to her.  I miss the boys telling her stories and reading.  The closeness that we all had to her.  We are making progress, moving forward....but it has been tough.   The boys seem to be good, and Scott, well....he has been our knight in shining armor.  There are so many things that I could list that he has said and done through this entire eight months. He is such a positive man that loves the Lord. Through this he has never wavered, he has been our rock and encourager.  I wish I could do more for him, because I know he is hurting too.  Today he gave me the most beautiful card.  Grace was born at 3:10 in the morning.  He wrote that in Mark 3:10 it says "He had healed many that day, so all the sick people eagerly pushed forward to touch Him."  Grace was healed, and she did get to touch our precious Father.  Even better, she gets to be held by Him. That has to give me a great peace.  I know that she doesn't ever have to experience the pain and heartache in the world.  She will only know life as perfect. How could I ever ask for more for my daughter?  That should ease my broken heart, but it doesn't.  The selfish me wants her here with me.  As soon as I wake every morning I pray and picture Jesus holding Grace and I ask Him to tell her that I love her and give her a sweet kiss for me. 

This has been an absolute roller coaster.  I have gone from being able to make it an entire day without an emotional breakdown to crying all day the next day. I can  see a baby in a stroller being pushed by her Mom now without totally losing it, at least I can most days.  I can also open the mail and see another doctor bill and not become angry.  I really have struggled with that.  The bills still come, even though we didn't get the beauty that went with them.  Just like life, it goes on no matter what is happening to us at the moment. I go through so many feelings from anger, to sadness and over to peace.  Crazy...right?

I had my after baby “checkup” with Dr. Ricks two days ago.  I sat in the office with all the pregnant Mom’s and I thought…hmmmm...had this all been a different turn of events I could be in here for my weekly checkup to see if we were going to deliver this week.  For one minute, I just closed my eyes and imagined everything was perfect…. then back to reality.  It was hard to be in there. The same office that I have visited for the last 8 months, same room for checkups with the picture of the sweet newborn baby twins laying in a basket. (Yes, that picture hurt to see every two weeks.)  My heart has ached this week more so than it had been.  I had felt like I had been making  progress…now I think there have been about 10 steps backwards.  Had I been thinking before hand, I would not have scheduled my appointment this week.  I guess there was a reason I was there on that day just like everything else has a reason, yet to my knowledge I'm still waiting to figure it out.  Figure it ALL out for that matter.  Isn’t life like that?  We go from one thing to another trying to figure it out or understand it.

Proverbs 3:5  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

God has walked beside us, behind us, and in front of us through all of this.  I can't imagine anyone walking this road and not believing in our faithful Father.  It has been a struggle at times with questions, but never have I doubted His incredible love for us and for Grace.  He has shown us in so many ways.  People have such heartaches and tragedies in their lives, yet if they don't have God I can see how they could stay stuck in the pit of heartache, sorrow and anger.  Somedays I feel like that is where I am going, but God has shown me He is there.  He shows me through so many things.  He may bring a perfect verse to mind, or a friend shows up, or something that only God can do happens ...He is there. His Grace and Mercy surround us. I am thankful.  Thankful to walk this path.  Thankful that Grace has changed my life.  I would not change the blessing that she has brought me. She was sent for a purpose, maybe it was to be there waiting for us when we get to heaven...but there is a purpose.  Just like in all things, we have purpose.

Romans 8:28   "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

1 Thessalonians 5:18 "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Another blessing:  I had wanted family pictures (with Grace) made for Mother's Day.  They kept getting rescheduled due to weather and life.  The Sunday before Grace was born we had them made.    
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGF-MGGLpB0

The Journey Home

June 19
It has been exactly one week since we had Grace’s celebration.  I can’t imagine it being any more perfect than it was.  The day was an absolute gift from our Heavenly Father.  The weather was beautiful; the birds chirping, a light breeze blowing in the wind, the sun shining God’s light all around us.  Perfection.  We were surrounded by our precious family and amazing friends that have walked this journey hand in hand with us.  The service was so special.  Scott, Blaine and Jack carried our beautiful angel in with her sweet grandpa close behind.  I was so proud of them, her brothers were so strong.  Scott had said since the beginning that he wanted to carry her down the aisle, not to her future husband, but this time to her Heavenly Father.  We all know she was already with our Heavenly Father, but this was for us. 

Kris preached as Kris always preaches….amazing.  He spoke of how we aren’t given grace until it is needed.  Those words have been with me since he said them in a service long ago that he preached before our Grace was ever conceived. Those words came to me the day I was in the shower many months ago and I was so angry that something was wrong with our baby.  The same day that God told me He had given us Grace;  grace to be able to make it through this time, and a baby girl who we were to name Grace. Those same words rang again so many months later. You aren’t given grace, until grace is needed.  Ephesians 4:7 says "But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it."  We have walked and are continuing this journey by God's amazing grace.  There is no other way around it.  We would have never made it through this time without God's grace.

One of my favorite things at the service was all of our family and friends signing Grace’s vault.

The boys had spent several hours the night before writing words of wisdom from her brothers inside the vault.  They were having a very difficult time seeing her tiny casket at the funeral home.  Once they realized they could write on the vault; that changed their entire evening.  They tried thinking of all the life lessons they could give her and shared them through pictures and words.  A few special ones were: don't listen to dares; always obey your parents; and a personal favorite...never listen to a clown.  
We ended our beautiful service releasing 5 balloons; a light pink one for each of us and a special pink one for Grace.  Jack was a little sad as we realeased them, he didn’t sign his name on his balloon and he was very worried that Grace wouldn’t know that it was from him.

I had woke up that morning struggling with getting through the day.  I prayed that God would give me the strength to do this. I then opened up my devotional and the first words were “Let ME Help you get through this day.”  God has not stopped walking hand in hand with us each moment.  I know He never would, but it has been so nice to get visible affirmations as well.  

The days since have been tough.  I know it takes time.  We have received more blessings from others than I could ever list, and we have appreciated every single one.  We pray for each person that has sent a card, text, food, gift and are so thankful to be surrounded by those that love us and our amazing sweet baby Grace.  

The boys had VBS this week and a friend sent me this picture.  She said they were salt painting words they think of when they hear Jesus's name.  This was Blaine's word.

Thank you, Jesus.  

2 Peter 3:8 "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends:  With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."

We will see you in less than an hour and a half sweet girl. 

Our Sweet Girl

June 8,2014

Sweet girl, I love you.  

It was so hard leaving today without you.  The wheel chair ride down to the car with nothing but flowers in my hand….no Grace, just flowers. Driving home without you.  After your brothers were born we came home to a house decorated for their arrival.  Today, we came home to a normal home.  No decorations, no Grace.  I was so angry. I’m angry that we didn’t get to keep you; angry that the boys didn’t get to see you; angry for so many reasons.  In the same anger, I'm so heartbroken. 

I am thankful that we had our glorious time together after you were born.  We tried to get in as much as we could in the little amount of time that we had with you.  Our sweet school family at Smith Elementary had given us a handmade/handwritten book of Bible verses.  The boys and I sat on the bed with you and took turns reading each verse to you.  Your Daddy found my favorite children’s book that I have read a million times to your brothers,  “I’ll Love you forever.”  We listened to the story, Jack rocked you, and we all sang  together “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.”  That was such a special moment, watching my sweet boy rock his baby sister.  He kissed you, he hugged you and he loved on you.  Jack and Blaine took turns playing songs on the iPad and we sang “Happy birthday to Grace” and “Amazing Grace” over and over.  Blaine sat and rocked you and looked at you wanting to see your sweet face. He kissed you and told you how much he loved you.  Your Grandparents rocked you and held you close.  This was such a special time for us all.  There wasn’t sadness, just joy in the moment.  

Several of your family members by friendship came to celebrate with you.  It was such a bittersweet time.  The nurse had told us that at 12:30 they were going to come and pick you up and get you ready for the funeral home.  12:30 came too soon.  I wasn’t ready to let you go.  The nurse came in and said we could have five more minutes.  In that five minutes we all circled around and your Daddy prayed the most beautiful prayer for you.  I have never heard such a heartfelt prayer, your Daddy adores you and was so broken hearted to let you go.  We  all had a hard time.  I didn’t want you to leave, I wanted to hold on to you forever.  I know you were already in heaven, but I wanted to hold on to the last physical part of you we had.

My heart aches for you, I hate rolling over in the middle of the night and not seeing a crib next to my bed, but as your Daddy said last night you are in such a great place.  God knew you and knew you were not going to be healthy here on earth.  I was so sad that we didn’t get to hold you close in our arms.   I’m sad for the boys, they had  hoped they would be able to hold you and look at you.  They were so mad that we wouldn’t let them look at you.  Your Dad and I just wanted them to have a beautiful picture of you in their minds for the rest of their lives.  You were so tiny and God hadn't finished developing you yet, we just didn’t think that would be the best for them.  You were beautiful to us.  I just wanted to lean over and kiss your perfect lips, hold you next to my skin but we weren’t able to do that.  Now I just close my eyes and picture that we did.

We will head to Childress on Wednesday.  We are going to have your memorial service on Thursday morning. We will celebrate your short life with your family and friends. At the moment, I’m not looking forward to that.  Matter of fact I’m dreading saying goodbye.  We are happy that we were given the gift of you, even if it was for such a short time. 

I love you my beautiful angel, you will always be in my heart.

Your foot prints are so tiny in the middle of your brothers hand prints

Seeing Jesus, held in His arms

Ezekiel 1:28

Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him.

This is what I know my Gracie was able to see when she met Jesus....radiance.  Absolute radiance. She has met Him and I know He is holding her.  I'm so sad that I didn't get to, but I know she is in the most beautiful hands.  I can't wait until the day that I get to meet the precious soul that has changed my life forever. 

I knew...Down deep in my heart, over the last week I had been preparing myself for yesterday.  The sadness that had come over me the previous weeks and the emotional heartache....I knew the time was close.  I didn't want it to be, but I knew.  Several things this week has had God's very visible handwriting on them.  

*Sunday's, Sunday school class started with "Why bad things happen?"  Great question. 

*At church I was questioning why...and I looked up on the back wall where they had several words written on a poster and Grace was written with the word Faith under it.  It was so visible, like it was written there specifically for me, a message from God. 

*A bible study that I went to on Tuesday night was right on target in talking to me.  The exact questions she stated in the video was "Why would you take a baby?"   Doesn't get any more obvious than that does it?  The study was about the names of God and this study had....El Roi, meaning God who sees. He can see it before it is to be.  He keeps you, He watches over you. 

Romans 8:28

28 And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose,

I know our sweet Grace has a purpose.  He knew her, He planned for her and He is using her in some great way.  

*A devotional book that had been given to me yesterday (because He is El Roi and sees what is to come) by a sweet group of ladies started with this:

Welcome Challenging times as opportunities to trust me.  You have me beside you and My Spirit within you, so no set of circumstances is too much for you to handle. (Jesus Calling)

Yesterday we had decided we were going to take the boys for the first time to see Grace's sono.  I had a feeling that we shouldn't take them, but we did.  I had asked this same group of ladies to pray for us, because you never know the outcome of these visits.  On the drive over, I was so sad thinking this would be the last time that we would see our sweet girl on the screen, she would be here so very soon.   I have looked forward to each visit that we have had seeing Grace.    

The boys waited in the main office and we went back to a sono room. I knew as soon as she turned on the picture and nothing was moving our Grace was now in the arms of Jesus. 

Dr Ashley and Denise (nurse) were absolutely amazing.  Not good news for us, but such loving people to be there in the midst of it.  The hearts of these ladies with the job they do, God could have placed no better doctor and nurse in our lives at that moment.  I know the prayers were working and God was with us, because we were able to keep it together until we arrived back home and told the boys.  I'm sure they knew something wasn't right, but we made it home.  We had told the boys the sono machine wasn't working correctly, just so we didn't have to tell them in the doctor's office.  

We go in to the hospital later today (Thursday).  Dr. Ricks thinks she may be delivered tomorrow. I was hoping this was a dream, but I did wake up this morning at 4 and it was not a dream.  My heart is aching, I just want to hold her...I pray that we can.

Isaiah 41:10

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you!

Don’t be frightened, for I am your God!

I strengthen you—

yes, I help you—

yes, I uphold you with my saving right hand!

Psalms 57:1-2

Have mercy on me, O God! Have mercy on me!

For in you I have taken shelter.

In the shadow of your wings I take shelter

until trouble passes. 

2 I cry out for help to the sovereign God...

As I watch the beautiful sunrise and look up to heaven this morning, this verse was brought to me.

Psalms 57:10

For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

I know she is in heaven this morning.  I can't imagine a more beautiful place to be.  Thank you God, for having this brief time with Grace.  God's Grace.

This song says it perfectly.  https://www.thirdday.com/music/songs/your-love-oh-lord

The Dress, A Masterpiece

Blessed by a dress.

The Original dress in 1993

 The boys were as excited as they are on Christmas morning.  They were watching the car pull up in the driveway and ran outside and back in to tell us they were here.  Blaine and Jack were jumping up and down as soon as they saw the Strouds start walking in the door.  The excitement all afternoon for this special time had been building.  We were all anxious and excited.  In her hands she carried the box... You would never guess that inside this box tied with a simple pink bow, was such a priceless treasure.  Another meaningful thing....it was Mother's Day.

Who knew twenty one years ago a wedding dress, my wedding dress, would be used again for such a different day?  I know God had a reason for it to be hanging in my closet, and today was the day we were going to see the most beautiful dress....ever.

The tears wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks, I tried to hold them back, but just the thought of something so precious was overwhelming.  I opened the box and there were two absolutely breathtaking, identical dresses.

The gift started several weeks ago from Cathy.  The thought, work and prayers that went into making this dress was a gift in itself.  She had invited us over to her house one afternoon to help cut out pieces that would eventually be sewn into a gown fit for an angel.  She had each of us cut a part of the dress out; even the boys were able to help in making this priceless treasure.  Cathy asked us what we wanted on the dress, the only request was from the boys.  To put the front lace piece of the wedding dress onto the front of Grace's dress.

We prayed.  The prayers were for the hands that would sew the dress and for the beautiful girl that would one day wear the dress.  We prayed for a miracle, the miracle for her to remain on earth with us.  This afternoon was such a special afternoon.  Each of us were blessed, and thankful to have such Godly, caring people placed in our paths by our Heavenly Father.

As Cathy and Scott were sitting in our living room a few short weeks later I had never imagined something so beautiful.  She had made two identical dresses.  There was only one lace section on the front of my original wedding dress, so she hand pieced the lace from my train onto the other dress and you can't tell a difference on either one.  The booties were made and stitched with Grace on the bottom by Cathy's Mother.  They look like the most beautiful princess shoes I've ever seen.  Cathy made two bonnets, but didn't attach the lace.  She suggested that we stitch the lace on so that we again could be a part of helping create this beautiful masterpiece.  

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

A Masterpiece.  That is what God has created in us.  I think of the time, meaning, thought and love that went into this special, hand made dress.  I think of how special this dress is to our family and then I think of how special God thinks each of us are when he creates us in His own image.  His Masterpiece.  The love, time and thought  He has for us.  I can't even fathom what His heart must feel.  The love I have for my own children is unexplainable and I am nothing compared to Him.

Genesis 1:27 "So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them."

You might ask why two?  One will be for our beautiful angel to wear; the other we will keep as a treasure and a memory of the love and grace that was shared for our special Grace.

This gift was a true treasure to us.  We will never be able to say thank you enough not only to Cathy, but to all of you who are walking this journey with us. You are each appreciated, loved and prayed for.  Every name that comes across our path whether by a card, e-mail, note, etc.  you are  prayed for.  

Thank you.  

In His Love, Deidra

Hope you love the song below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XARMbvagfwY

So grateful to Cathy!

Mother's Day

Mother's Day used to be one of the hardest days of the year.  If you have ever had infertility problems, you know this day rates up there next to baby showers.  It is one that you physically have to be there, smile and pray it goes really fast!~Your heart would yearn so much to be a Mother for the angel you never knew if you would hold.

Mother's Day celebrating week 29 with Grace

My sweet Mom..so thankful to her.

After my amazing boys were born, they made it one of my favorite times of the year!  They love to pick out that "something special" that they know I will love. They give me my favorite gift ever...the homemade card where they write the things they know about mom (today's said I weigh 116 pounds!  That makes a pregnant lady smile!) We go to church and celebrate Moms.   I am so grateful and just praise the Lord for changing what used to be a sad day in my heart to such a joyous day.  I  thank our Lord that I have these two beautiful boys that have changed my life; I also pray for those parents whose hearts are aching for a child to be blessed this very year with one.  Today's Mothers Day, well, it was different.  I will write about that later though, because it is a story in it self.

My Mother in law who LOVES her kids!

I have been surrounded by wonderful Mom's...most importantly my own.  She had me in church since I can remember; she encouraged me in all that I did and most of all she loved me.  I think of my husband's mom who raised such an amazing man.  I could not ask for a better friend, husband and father to our boys. That had to be instilled from home with a Mom who taught him how to be those things.  My two grandmothers who are Godly women and raised Godly children.
Proverbs 31:28A "Her children rise up and call her blessed;"

Being a Mom is so special.  I can think of no better blessing than being called Mom.   There is a love that you have for your kids that is unexplainable.  At night as you watch them sleep, the overwhelming love that you feel.  The ache in your own heart when they hurt.  As they giggle and laugh until they can't breathe reminds you of their true innocence. I LOVE that.  I LOVE them.

My precious Nannie 

Being a Mom is Tough.  Let's be real.  You are teaching the future, daily.  You teach them not only by your guidance and words, but your example.  OHHH how that one sometimes bites me!  The decisions that you make, impact so much more than yourself, it affects who your children are learning to be.  I try very hard not to be one of those Moms that races in to save the day, they need to learn to survive on their own.  They need to learn that it is okay to hurt, because we can heal.  They need to learn to fall so they can stand back up.  That is hard though as a Mom we are given the gift of nurtures and protectors.

My Mom, grandmother, and sweet Aunts  have all taught me life lessons

Mother's day from now on is different.  No longer will it be just the boys, it will include a sweet girl whether she is here with us or she is in heaven.  I will now have an additional prayer this mother's day.  Thank you Lord, for blessing me yet again.

Mother's Day with My Favorite boys!

Joy In Grace

Absolute Joy.  That is what was felt as Scott and I were at the doctor last week.  We spent almost an hour watching Grace. She was so active, we saw her beautiful face, perfect lips, nose; a true miracle.  The entire staff at that office are just wonderful.  It started with Denise,  who has previously been a RN at a NICU.  She sat down and visited with us about all that we need to think about and what we want to do with our time with Grace.  She said, it may be short, but you can make it the best.  Jessica, the sonographer spent so much time going over each sweet part of Grace.  She let us watch her move around, explained what we were seeing, and just told us how beautiful she was.  We also had the joy of seeing Dr. Ashley again.  She did share that things haven't changed, but that was not to put a damper on our joyous afternoon.  We were so happy to have the opportunity to spend that time seeing Grace.  They let us enjoy each precious minute with our sweet girl.  Thank our Wonderful Lord for technology!! We were able to see her in such detail, I just can't tell you how much that meant to us.  Each moment was so precious with her.  We are so blessed to have such wonderful doctors surrounding us now.  Doctors make a huge difference.

I love this....it was written in a Beth Moore study: "Joy is an absolute assumption in grace.  Joy is literally written into grace! God is telling us "if you only understood what grace means and what you have received by way of it, you would never cease to rejoice!"

Easter Sunday with Mom and Dad (26 weeks with Grace!)

Blaine is really having a hard time understanding this. He has had some really tough nights lately.  I completely get it.  I don't understand it, how do I expect an 11 year old to get it.  I recently heard a song from Steven Curtis Chapman and it really made me think. "What kind of joy is this to count it a blessing to suffer?" Our suffering and sadness will be so short, compared to the eternity we will spend with her.  I do count this as a blessing, had we not ever received the joy of our Grace, we would never have the opportunity to spend this short time with her.  We wouldn't have the chance to have a precious sister and daughter in Christ waiting for us in heaven.  Sounds great....still hard to explain that to an 11 year old though.

Psalms 71:20, 23 "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again...My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you."

Jeremiah 29:13  "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all my heart."

Jack's Easter Egg says "Jack, Grace, Blaine"

Strength and Joy

I originally started my blog to share our story all at once, and as a diary for what I hope Grace will one day read.   It has been amazing to open yourself up to others, so they can walk your journey with you.  I realize now, the impact it has had on our family.  The amount of people that are praying wouldn’t have happened at such a magnitude as it has, if we would have kept this to ourselves.  Thank you, each of you for your continued prayers, kind words; you have been such a blessing to our family.  

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them.  Matt. 18:20

There have been a lot of tough days emotionally lately.  It seems I have more of them as the time comes closer.   A precious lady from our church is making a dress for Grace out of my wedding dress.  I had gone into the closet to get it out one day and then it hit me.  This would have been Grace’s room, and I’m getting my wedding dress out of her closet to be made into a dress for her.  I just turned around, sat in the floor and cried.  The same closet the dress has hung in since we moved into the house.  There is no coincidence that it has hung there waiting for her.  I looked around the room and was thinking of all the plans we had for the room. I looked at the wedding dress that I wore over 20 years ago and thought she will never play dress up in this…. she won’t try it on, she will never pretend she is the fairest princess of them all.    Thank goodness she will get to wear it though.  Blessings come in many ways, though they may be different than what you thought.

Last week I received a sweet post from a former student of mine.  It said “thank you for talking me out of dropping out of school.”  Now to see her graduated, and an amazing mother following her dreams makes me thrilled.  Another previous student wrote me the most beautiful letter.  To hear her words of wisdom at such a young age, to see how much she has grown from her past experiences.  

Just to see how these priceless kids grew up into amazing women.  Both of these girls have had to endure tough things in their lives, yet the things that their  experiences have done has been to make them both strong.  I see all that they have overcome; and they are both now strong, amazing women of God.   A lesson we can all learn.  They have both shown that it doesn’t matter what has happened to you in your life, you chose how you use it.  You can become bitter or you can use it to become strong.

“Be strong and take heart, all who hope in the Lord." Psalms 31:25

I chose strength.  Your prayers have helped us all to become strong. Stronger than we knew we could ever be.  Strength is something that I pray for daily.  Sometimes by the minute.  Grief, if that is what you call this, is crazy.  One minute you are ok, the next second the smallest thing can set you off.  This has happened more times than not lately.  The tears will just start rolling down my face and there is no stopping…it is like they just appear.  I know life is hard, life is hard for everyone.  I want to scream, then cry, then yell…..It feels like a pit that you can’t get out of…you feel alone.  Then I have glimmers of sun that God sends.   Jack and Blaine running their bobsled (wagon) down the street without a care in the world, the words I love you; a crazy made up song they sing to Grace, the text from a friend just to say “I’m thinking about you”, the letter from a stranger that is praying for you.  The sun will continue to shine; my joy will still be there; it all just will look different.  Every morning as I get up I say to  myself, chose joy,  we can do this today.  He will guide us; He will lead us,  He will help us through.

Blaine went to Austin this weekend and bought Grace this pen with her name on it from UT.  He told his Dad, I bought it so she will know from the beginning to be a Longhorn fan.  I love his faith.  

Please pray for us tomorrow.  We go back to see Dr. Ashley.  I’m so excited to get to take another peek at our beautiful baby girl!

I have loved the sermon series our preacher has done on Ginormous Audacious Prayers.  It is awesome how God sends you the perfect things to hear at the perfect time. We had the opportunity to share part of our testimony a few weeks ago.  If you have time, I hope you can watch it  and his sermon.  I have attached the link below.  The entire series is great if you can watch them all.
http://new.livestream.com/FBW/events/2813659/videos/46642241

In His Love,
Deidra

Grace for the Moment

This week's message at church was on Ginormous Audacious prayers.

Celebrating week 23 with Grace!

It as usual was a great sermon by our pastor, Kris.  It made me reexamine the previous 5 months.  Have my prayers been big enough; did I have enough faith to believe?  Scott and I had a talk about it after we were home.  We have prayed, we have people surrounding us that we don’t even know that are praying.  I am praying with expectation…. I expect a miracle!  I want a miracle!  I want a miracle of healing for Grace.  I know God will do either, a miracle for her healing in heaven or earth….

So what does that mean for Ginormous Audacious prayers?

From Kris’ sermon:  Ginormous audacious prayers are:

Dependent-demonstrate God’s Glory

Specific-indicate a relationship

Persistent-patience

Expectant-know God keeps His word

I do know this is demonstrating God’s Glory.  No matter the outcome, His glory is seen the entire time.  The miracle alone of becoming pregnant.  Two people who were told they would never have kids…. God definitely demonstrated His glory.  Baby three…amazing.  The amount of prayers that go up for Grace daily, the strength that He has given us to survive this--are examples of God’s Glory demonstrated.

We are specific in our prayers, but after this sermon they have become more specific.  I now pray for absolute healing here on earth.  It is ok to pray for my wants…His answer may not be the answer I’m looking for, but I’m still going to pray for it.   

I have been so persistent in my prayer…. daily I beg him to please heal her…that I would love to keep her, hold her, raise her.  I do not want her to suffer though and that is where I understand that His answer could be healing, but in heaven. 

I do struggle with patience though.  I don’t want to wait until I get to heaven to be with her, I want it NOW…. the amazing word that has become so ever popular in our society today.  Now. 

Expectant. I know God keeps His word.  He never promised me what blessing I would have here…. He promised me that we would be together.  I do believe that.  I know that today, tomorrow and forever God is with me.  He will not forsake or abandon me.  He will be with me always.  That is how I can get through this minute-by-minute.  I don’t understand why this is happening, I don’t get it…it makes me mad…but God is with me. The hurt and sorrow I feel is only temporary to what will soon come.  My eternity will be spent with The God that has been by my side through it all.  He doesn’t promise it will be easy, but in the end we will rejoice.  I will see Grace for eternity.

Sundays are hard.  I don’t know if it is the fact that I allow myself to truly process through all that is happening or that it is just a slower day, but they are hard.  A few Sunday’s ago I had cried most all of the day.  As I was walking by a shelf that we walk by all the time, a book lying on top caught my attention.  This book has been there forever.  It is one of those little books that you have laying around, when you need a quick pick me up…as well as used for decorator space.  The book is called, “Grace for the Moment” by Max Lucado.   The title alone took my breath away.  This was another one of those moments God just shows you HE IS here.  I began to think I may just have Grace for a moment, but what a moment that is.  This is the devotional that I opened up to that Sunday.

God’s Good Timing.  Luke 18:7 God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day, and he will not be slow to answer them.

Why does God wait until the money is gone? Why does he wait until the sickness has lingered?  Why does he choose to wait until the other side of the grave to answer the prayers for healing?  I don’t know I only know his timing is always right.  I can only say he will do what is best…though you hear nothing, he is speaking.  Though you see nothing, he is acting.  With God there are no accidents.  Every incident is intended to bring us closer to him.

Goodness…Another answer to prayer.  At the moment that I was feeling alone and was questioning again…he answered. He gave me a reminder….there are no accidents.  This incident is for a reason. Thank you.  Thank you God for creating our three beautiful miracles.  Thank you for allowing us the moment that we have, even if it is short.  He gave us Grace, Grace for the moment.  If he didn't give her to us, we wouldn't have the opportunity to spend the rest of our lives in heaven with her.  We wouldn't see two boys already love her and have such compassion for her.  

We were excited to be able to hear her sweet heartbeat again this week.  I keep telling Scott for her to only have half of her heart working, she has the strongest heartbeat I could ever imagine.  Praise God for the beautiful sound of a miracle.  A miracle that I am blessed to be a part of.

I love this song…so true every day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH_LLGiE0f0